All I ask for in 2011 is
a big fat bank account and a slim body…
please don’t mix these up like you did last year.
Amen.
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
The Sierra Club was presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.
What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again.
This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally an old fellow in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said; "Son, I don't think y'all understand our problem here . . . these coyotes ain't f*ckin' our sheep . . . they're eatin' 'em!"
The meeting never really got back to order . .
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
Herb wrote: The Sierra Club was presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.
What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again.
This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally an old fellow in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said; "Son, I don't think y'all understand our problem here . . . these coyotes ain't f*ckin' our sheep . . . they're eatin' 'em!"
The meeting never really got back to order . .
X 1,319,069
____________________ At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats. --- P. J. O'Rourke
mudbug wrote: Herb wrote: The Sierra Club was presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.
What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again.
This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally an old fellow in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said; "Son, I don't think y'all understand our problem here . . . these coyotes ain't f*ckin' our sheep . . . they're eatin' 'em!"
The meeting never really got back to order . .
X 1,319,069
I found this especially funny because I have attended a lot of public meetings with the BLM and USFS. Believe it or not this would have been one of the more reasonable ideas from the tree hugging environuts and the government agents.
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
My daughter just walked into the living room and said "Dad cancel my allowance, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone and jewellery to the charity shop. Sell my car, take my front door key and throw me out of the house".
Well she didn't actually put it like that. She said, "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohamed."
lastchild wrote: My daughter just walked into the living room and said "Dad cancel my allowance, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone and jewellery to the charity shop. Sell my car, take my front door key and throw me out of the house".
Well she didn't actually put it like that. She said, "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohamed."
____________________ for now,
Linda
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Winston Churchill
It's Republican.
I stopped by the auto dealership yesterday and took a new truck for a test drive. The salesman, wearing an Obama lapel pin, sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and its options.
"It has all of the latest technology," he chimed. "For example, the seats blow warm air on your backside in the winter and cool air in the summer heat."
"This must be a Republican truck," I commented.
What do you mean this is a 'Republican' truck?" he replied with a perturbed look.
"Well, if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would blow smoke up your butt year-round."
I had to walk back to the dealership.
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."
The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie.
I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!” "OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom." Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said "Your crazy brother won't let me in without a tie!
____________________ If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.
~Author Unknown
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for
dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but
notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship
between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two
interact, she started to wonder if there was more between
Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered,
'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria
and I are just roommates.'
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying,
'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable
to find the silver sugar bowl.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure. So
he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my
house;
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing
ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received a response email from
his Mama which read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria,
and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN
bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama
*Moral: Never lie to your Mama . . .
____________________ If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.
~Author Unknown
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the Golf course. On Golf days, a lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few
days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into
the house and asked, "Grandma, what's that thing called when two people
sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken back, but she decided to tell him the truth.
"It's called sexual intercourse, darling"
Little Tony said, "Oh, OK", and went back outside to play with the other
kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't
called sexual intercourse, It's called Bunk Beds, and Jimmy's mom wants to
talk to you."
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
(on tables, chairs, doors, people, buildings......)
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the market and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the market he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to Church Lane ?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to the lane. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me... How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Goodness lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens!!!
____________________ If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.
~Author Unknown
If The Phone Company Ran A Restaurant
======================================
BELLSOUTH DINER
1515 Peachtree St.
Atlanta, GA 30399
800-555-1212
SERVICES
Cod steak: $8.17
French fries: $2.01
Peas: $1.40
Limited Meal Service: $30.85
Knife: $0.60 Fork: $3.17 Metal Cutlery with Handles: $6.20 Table
Access Charge: $1.19 Chair Maintenance Plan: $2.95
Menu Listing Service: $0.49
Bell Atlantic Condiments and Sauces (detail below): $1.11
Federal Fish Tax: $0.62
Local Menu Readability: $0.23
Chair-Falling-Over Insurance: $2.78
TOTAL: $61.77
Itemized Condiments and Sauces:
With Limited Meal Service you pay a fixed nightly rate for air
and water at your table. Note: Save 40% on air after 11pm.
Consult your menu for condiment and sauce rates.
Item Number of ml Rate per ml Amount
Ketchup 10 0.03 0.30
Salt 10 .01 0.01
Tartar 20 0.04 0.80
Total 1.11
Rest Room Usage:
#1 .10 per use (urinal)
#2 .25 per use (commode)
Note: Due to the non-discriminatory policy, women are charged
the #2 commode rate for #1.
Deodorizer for #2 use: .10
Hand Wash .02
Hand Dry (Paper Towel) .03
Hand Dry (Blower) .01
Mirror Use .01
Note: Tuesdays and Thursdays are "Bring a friend free" to the
restroom days. All other days accompanying friends .25.
Optional Spill and Breakage Coverage:
With the optional 2.95 spill and breakage coverage, if you spill
or break anything, you will be covered and there will be no
additional cost to you. Otherwise, spill cleanup will be billed
at standard union rates and dishes charged at normal Bell South
prices.
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
"They" say that all good humor has a grain of truth to it.
Following that line of reasoning, this is pretty funny.
____________________ Every Day, I Wake Up With The Benefit Of The Mercy Of Jesus, The Love Of My Wife, And I Do It As An American.
I'm Up By 3 Just Starting Out The Day!
Thank You Charlie Daniels For The Opportunity To Utilize Your Message Board
I was working in a furniture store when a customer entered and asked to
see the bookcases.
I reviewed the different cases for her, describing the available sizes
and finishes.
-
As I went along, I mentioned the different names: "The Library Case,"
"The Standard Case," "The Modern Case," "The Video Case" and "The Lawyer
Case."
-
The customer stopped me and asked, "Why do they call it 'The Lawyer
Case'?"
-
I replied, "If you look carefully, you will notice how many of them are
made just a little crooked."
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.
The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition.
'Do you think you could give me some tips?' he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high, tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
'Sure will,' replied the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
'That's terrific!' said the hot shot. 'Got any more tips for me?' 'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it, that'll give you a smoother draw' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the younger man.
'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?' The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.' The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your behind and it won't hurt as much.'
____________________ If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.
~Author Unknown
loner1115 wrote: GaCDBFan wrote: This is a pretty funny song by a senior about his recent wedding night...
Never really expected something like this from George Younce of The Cathredal Quartet. One of the best basses ever.I didn't know who it was, just thought it was funny. Someone emailed it to me, and I put it on my web server so I could share it here...
____________________ Click this link to go to the Table of Contents of the Computer Help thread:
From Jay Leno.
A federal watchdog agency says that overlapping and duplicate programs waste billions of dollars each year. Congress is taking this study so seriously that they’re ordering a second study to look into it.
____________________ Reno
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." -- Benjamin Franklin
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,
yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what Martha?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1, on the Richter scale, hit Mexico . Two million Mexicans died and over a million injured. The country is totally ruined and they don't know where to start rebuilding and they are asking for help.
Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.
The European community (except France ) is sending food and money.
The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two
million illegal Mexicans immigrants back to replace the dead ones.
God bless America !!!!!!
____________________ Reno
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." -- Benjamin Franklin
He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.
Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.
Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims.
Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath.
Stop whining, Michelle. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. You're getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything for you. The rest of us are stuck with him for two more years!
Abby
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
A former Sergeant having served his time with the Marine Corps took a new job
as a school teacher. Just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.
The smart aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a Marine,
were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was before trying any pranks.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window
wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took a
stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest, twice.
He had no trouble with discipline that year.
____________________ If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.
~Author Unknown
IBM said Tuesday its Jeopardy-champion computer Watson is not going to be used to replace an IBM scientist or IBM engineer. A company spokesman said that although Watson knows almost everything, he can't think. So they're going to run him for Congress.
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh............
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
"After tea, we'll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Last edited on Thu Mar 10th, 2011 04:02 am by Duke
____________________ “The truth is, politics and morality are inseparable."– President Ronald Reagan
Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement. The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The second sees his family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for a year from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The first is a Golden Retriever. The second is a Senior Citizen.
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
Last edited on Mon Mar 14th, 2011 11:45 am by RENO
____________________ Reno
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." -- Benjamin Franklin
RENO wrote: Sure wish I knew how to Photo Shop. Read on another message board about a great idea for a T-shirt. A picture of old-man cheney with the caption "Does this A$$ make my shirt look big?"
Last edited on Fri Mar 18th, 2011 04:14 am by Herb
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
RENO wrote: Sure wish I knew how to Photo Shop.
You don't need to know how to do that for this. All you need is an online T-shirt generator like the one on this site:
and then you just choose the colors and slogans and other details. Here:
____________________ "America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine These three areas, America will collapse from within." Stalin
antiplaster wrote: RENO wrote: Sure wish I knew how to Photo Shop.
You don't need to know how to do that for this. All you need is an online T-shirt generator like the one on this site:
and then you just choose the colors and slogans and other details. Here:
Cool t-shirt...
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
GaCDBFan wrote: 323rd PostThat is one reason why I'm no longer a Bellsouth/AT&T customer.
I'm glad I got rid of the blood sucking leaches too.
They bled my parents and then after I grew up in yrs. and for years they bled me out of every penny they could too.
They're out of my pocket, wish I had gotten rid of them yrs. ago.
Now I smile big when they send me mail and take pleasure in throwing it in the trash, Now dats funny! I exorcised them, git out thou foul phone and PC service! No money for You! ( said like the soup Nazi)
Duke
Last edited on Sat Mar 12th, 2011 03:34 am by Duke
____________________ “The truth is, politics and morality are inseparable."– President Ronald Reagan
Grandmas: I was out walking with my Grandson. He picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that. 'Why' my Grandson asked. "Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied. At this point, my Grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?? You are so smart." I was thinking quickly and said to him, "all Grandmas know stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information. "Oh....I get it! he beamed, So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa". 'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.
When you're finished laughing, send this to another Grandma!!
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
The White House hosted a dinner for Mexico's President Felipe Calderon. It's part of an annual exchange program. Once a year the American president goes to Mexico to visit our jobs, and once a year the president of Mexico comes to America to visit his people.
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
loner1115 wrote: The White House hosted a dinner for Mexico's President Felipe Calderon. It's part of an annual exchange program. Once a year the American president goes to Mexico to visit our jobs, and once a year the president of Mexico comes to America to visit his people.
I heard the Mexican president was here to do the job that the American president wouldn't do
____________________ Reno
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." -- Benjamin Franklin
Senator Harry Reid gave a speech to Nevada state lawmakers last week and urged them to outlaw prostitution. Better they keep hookers legal and outlaw the politicians. At least the hookers are up front about what they plan to do to you after you give them your money.
President Obama said he was always getting in trouble when he was in middle school. In fact, Obama said he talked so much during class, the teacher had to take away his teleprompter.
____________________ Reno
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." -- Benjamin Franklin
I have seen most of these before but there is a couple of new ones.
I feel like a VALEDICTORIAN !!!!!
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
IDIOT SIGHTING IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'
His reply: 'I know. I already got that side . '
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS
IDIOT SIGHTING IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it' s not.... Four is larger than two.'
We haven' t used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING
I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
To request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don' t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman, KS
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'
Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
And for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah??.......... NO
Lee - A??.......... NOPE
Lay - a??.......... NO
Lei??.......... Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us.......and they VOTE !!!
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by
the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cold
beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?" The
second nun answered,"Indeed it would sister, but I would not feel
comfortable buying beer as I am certain it would cause a scene
at the checkout."
"I can handle that without a problem," she replied as she picked up a
six-pack and headed for the checkout.
The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived
with a six-pack of beer. One of the nuns explained, "We use beer for
washing our hair, a shampoo of sort, if you will."
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled
out a package of pretzels and placed them in the bag with the
beer. He looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The
curlers are on the house."
____________________ If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.
~Author Unknown
A wife asks her husband, a programmer; "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
And we wonder why the computer programs don't do what we expect.
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
Some of y'all know I took a spill off the creek bank the other night while burying one of the stray cats and I'm a bit bruised, swollen, and sore.
A looong time friend of mine from Fla. and I were e-mailing and he made the crack that I might try a different torch.( joke was the lighting made me fall)
here's some of my reply to him;
Yeah, I need to use a different kind of torch, maybe a couple Tiki torches next time.
Need to right a song about it;
"Free Fall'n" By: Duke and his Bruise Band;
Freee faaallin, dread'n that sudden stop,
it'll take a while to scratch my way by to the top.
When I fell off the bank
Oh how my heart sank
Free Fall'n, Freee faaall'n
When I hit the limb at the bottom of the creek,
My sit-chi-ation sure looked bleak.
Thank God, He made me a bit tough,
I gotta tell ya, though, I'm feeling mighty rough.
free fall'n freee faaall'n
I found my hat,
went back up and finished burying dat dear cat.
free fall'n freee faall'n
By the time I went back in through the kitchen door,
I knew I was gonna be super sore.
It's been fun,
Dis song ain't done
Somebody else gone have to add da res to it
My body's so and give'n me a fit.
Sorry I got carried away and made it long, would've been funnier, shorter. Yeah it got boring.
____________________ “The truth is, politics and morality are inseparable."– President Ronald Reagan
Q: What's the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining when it grows up.
____________________ Reno
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." -- Benjamin Franklin
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job....! I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said:
"Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.
This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her "urges", as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong "drive", if you know what I mean........"
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You've got to be KIDDING me!??!!!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well... You started it."
NOTE: Sorry if this has already been posted - admit I didn't go back and check all the pages of this thread.... 'bug
____________________ At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats. --- P. J. O'Rourke
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blond stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs, in New Orleans , please raise your hand.
Not one hand went up .... so she took them home and ate them.
Then there is this picture. It makes you go WHAT THE ???????
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
____________________ Reno
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." -- Benjamin Franklin
BOB & THE BLONDE:
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar
And stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on.
The news crew was covering the story
Of a man on the ledge of a large building
Preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Boband said,
"Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said,
"You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied,
"Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said,
"You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar,
The guy on the ledge
Did a swan dive off the building,
Falling to his death..
The blonde was very upset,
But willingly handed her $20 to Bob.
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied,
"I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news,
So I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied,
"I did, too, But I didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money.
____________________ Reno
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." -- Benjamin Franklin
**A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the
Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for
'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my favorite) * My favorite
too!!!! Hugs--Lynn
=======
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in
another part of the country..
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those
who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those
who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of
time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block
10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our
trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note
"I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my
job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for
our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of
the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the
carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and
grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
========
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do
we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
========
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday
weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally,
the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems
as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
========
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
========
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea
and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
========
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation
to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute
had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play..
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have
to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in
great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000
more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
You, who worry about Democrats versus Republicans--relax, here is our real problem.
In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States . It was pretty simple.
The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how
unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable
individuals from becoming President.
The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating:
"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"
Yep, these are the same kind of 18-year-olds that are now voting in our elections!
BEWARE! They breed and they walk among us. Geez.
____________________ Click this link to go to the Table of Contents of the Computer Help thread:
Ruger is unveiling a new pistol in honor of President Obama. It will be called the "Union Worker".
It doesn't work and...you can't fire] it!
Last edited on Mon Mar 28th, 2011 04:11 pm by Herb
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
I love my job, I love the pay, I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss and he's the best. I love HIS boss and all the rest.
I love my office and it's location. I hate to have to take vacation.
I love my desk, drab and gray, and love those paper piles each day.
I love my chair in my padded cell; there's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers. I love their leers 'n jeers 'n sneers.
I love my computer and all its ware; I hug it often to show I care.
I love each program and every file; I even try using it once in a while.
I'm happy to be here, I am, I am...I'm the happiest slave to my Uncle Sam.
I love this work; I love these chores; I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my job AND I'll say it again, I even love these friendly men:
These men who've come to visit today, in lovely white coats to take me
away !
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
Washington, DC – March 4, 2011 - The Obama Administtration is urging Congress and the Senate to pass sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) . President Obama said he will sign it as soon as it hits his desk.
The AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.'
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.
Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).
Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions,and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'
'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Ken Cox, who lost his position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to his inability to remember 'righty tighty, lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Cox added. With the passage of this bill, Cox and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.'
____________________ At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats. --- P. J. O'Rourke
There was a knock on the door this morning. I opened it to find a young man standing there who said, "I'm a Jehovah's Witness."
I said, "Come in and sit down. What do you want to talk about?"
He said, "Beats the heck out of me. I've never gotten this far before."
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
The seven dwarfs always left to go work in
the mine early each morning. As always,
Snow White stayed home doing her domestic
chores.
As lunchtime approached she would prepare
their lunch and carry it to the mine.
One day as she arrived at the mine with
the lunch she saw that there had been a
terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing
the worst, Snow White began calling out,
hoping against hope that the dwarfs had
somehow survived.
'Hello!...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone
hear me? Hello!
For a long while, there was no answer.
Losing hope, Snow White again shouted,
'Hello! Is anyone down there?'
Just as she was about to give up all hope,
She heard a faint voice from deep within
the mine, singing . . ....'Vote for Barack
Obama. Vote for Barack Obama!
Snow White fell to her knees and prayed, 'Oh, thank you God!
At least Dopey is still alive!'
____________________ Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses... She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, she knocked on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
_____________________________________
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME !!!
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard.." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake.."
____________________________________________
ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night.. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck.." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked..
"To get my teeth!"
_____________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"
Last edited on Tue Apr 5th, 2011 04:56 pm by Cherokee Bill
____________________ If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.
~Author Unknown
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too.. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...
____________________ Every Day, I Wake Up With The Benefit Of The Mercy Of Jesus, The Love Of My Wife, And I Do It As An American.
I'm Up By 3 Just Starting Out The Day!
Thank You Charlie Daniels For The Opportunity To Utilize Your Message Board
GaCDBFan wrote: This is a pretty funny song by a senior about his recent wedding night...
Every time I open this thread this video on the 328th post starts playing automatically. I have to scroll up to it and slide it to the end to stop it. Is this happening to anyone else?
Last edited on Thu Apr 7th, 2011 08:14 pm by legitlinda
____________________ for now,
Linda
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Winston Churchill
legitlinda wrote: GaCDBFan wrote: This is a pretty funny song by a senior about his recent wedding night...
Every time I open this thread this video on the 328th post starts playing automatically. I have to scroll up to it and slide it to the end to stop it. Is this happening to anyone else? Not to me.
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
Herb wrote: legitlinda wrote: GaCDBFan wrote: This is a pretty funny song by a senior about his recent wedding night...
Every time I open this thread this video on the 328th post starts playing automatically. I have to scroll up to it and slide it to the end to stop it. Is this happening to anyone else? Not to me.
Help GaCDBFan!!!! Why is this happening? Can you fix it? I mean, it's hilarious but it comes on everytime I click this link.
____________________ for now,
Linda
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Winston Churchill
** Declaration of Independence : .............................1,300 words.
** US Constitution with 27 Amendments : ................ 7,818 words.
** US Government regulations on sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.
========
Thought of the Day
Relativism
From Diogenes via Vanderleun:
“Stop judging. We’re all just sixty million dollars, thirty porn stars, and one ton of cocaine away from being Charlie Sheen.”
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
Not to me either, all I see is a box with a red x at the upper left.
I did have problems with a video a couple Soapboxes ago, every time I went to the topic I had to click off 3 boxes wanting me too download a particular video playing system.
legitlinda wrote: Herb wrote: legitlinda wrote: GaCDBFan wrote: This is a pretty funny song by a senior about his recent wedding night...
Every time I open this thread this video on the 328th post starts playing automatically. I have to scroll up to it and slide it to the end to stop it. Is this happening to anyone else? Not to me.
Help GaCDBFan!!!! Why is this happening? Can you fix it? I mean, it's hilarious but it comes on everytime I click this link. It did this to me too every time I used a Windows XP system. I was getting tired of it too. I just deleted it from my server, and I'll go edit out the post too.
____________________ Click this link to go to the Table of Contents of the Computer Help thread:
GaCDBFan wrote: Help GaCDBFan!!!! Why is this happening? Can you fix it? I mean, it's hilarious but it comes on everytime I click this link. It did this to me too every time I used a Windows XP system. I was getting tired of it too. I just deleted it from my server, and I'll go edit out the post too.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
____________________ for now,
Linda
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Winston Churchill
Montana Bear Tragedy This is a very sad story about a bear. Everybody should heed the warning to not feed wildlife because they become dependent and cannot forage for themselves anymore. This is such a tragedy to see what they have done to our country's wildlife! The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect US wildlife
]
Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party...... as they have apparently learned to just sit on their butts and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.
This photo is of a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed.: Bearock Obearma.
____________________ Every Day, I Wake Up With The Benefit Of The Mercy Of Jesus, The Love Of My Wife, And I Do It As An American.
I'm Up By 3 Just Starting Out The Day!
Thank You Charlie Daniels For The Opportunity To Utilize Your Message Board
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun.... "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
____________________ MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
X 1,319,069
for now,
]
