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| Posted: Mon Jan 23rd, 2012 07:37 am |
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PROUD BOER
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The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The next five ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist. Costing £850 million each, they meet the needs of the 21st century and comply with the very latest employment, health and safety, and human rights laws.
The new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24 hours a day and each ship will have its own industrial tribunal. The crew ratio will be 50/50 men and women, balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexual preference and disability.
Sailors will have to work only a maximum of 37 hours a week in line with Brussels Health and Safety rules, even in wartime. All the vessels will come equipped with a maternity ward and nursery, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco. Tobacco will be banned throughout the fleet, but cannabis will be allowed in the wardroom and ratings' messes. The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for "rum, sodomy and the lash", so out has gone the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced with sparkling water. Although sodomy remains, it has now been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only on request. Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of flavours except Capstan Full Strength. Saluting officers has been abolished because it is deemed elitist, and is to be replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor".
All information on notice boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches, and this applies equally to women crew members.
The MoD is working on a new "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities. The Union Flag has already been discarded.
The newly re-named HMS Cautious is due to be commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque, who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will glide gently into the water as the band of the Royal Marines plays "In The Navy" by The Village People. Her first deployment will be to escort boat loads of illegal immigrants across the Channel from France to ports on England's south coast.
The Prime Minister said "While these ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking, they are also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation coming out of Brussels".> His final words were "Britannia waives the rules"
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“We continue to be exasperated by the view, apparently gaining momentum in certain circles, that armed robbery is okay as long as nobody gets hurt! The proper solution to armed robbery is a dead robber, on the scene.”
Lt Col. Jeff Cooper USMC.
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| Posted: Mon Jan 23rd, 2012 07:58 am |
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loner1115
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And if obama gets 4 more, the US Navy will probably follow suit.
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Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to attain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot
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| Posted: Mon Jan 23rd, 2012 08:16 am |
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| Posted: Mon Jan 23rd, 2012 12:54 pm |
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GaCDBFan
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Was that the French Navy? Holy cow! Unbelievable!
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| Posted: Mon Jan 23rd, 2012 02:32 pm |
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Herb
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When I first joined the Marine Corps homosexual acts were illegal and unacceptable. Then it became acceptable, now it is legal. I am sure glad I got out before it became required.
Disclaimer: I plagerized the above statement but it surely reflects my attitude.
This statement was first attributed to a Gunnery Sergant that was retiring from the USMC.
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MGySgt USMC
(Ret)
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
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| Posted: Mon Jan 23rd, 2012 11:06 pm |
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vicki530
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PROUD BOER wrote: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1246300/Navy-gives-pirates-food-water--lets-sail-scot-free.html
Utterly incredible! The cartoon said it well.
Most of us will never face pirates at sea but if we use our imagination a bit it would be similar to a home invasion. The Royal Navy's handling of it is tantamount to inviting the home invaders in and serving them dinner and drinks. Once their food settles, freely hand over the wife and daughters. While their taking care of that little piece of business, you and your sons can pack your valuables and present them to the invaders on their way out. Most likely they'll kill you as they file out your door, but maybe all that milk of human kindness you showed them will win their hearts and minds, and they'll settle for what they can carry and leave the male family members alive and intact. Sounds like a realistic plan to me .
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24th, 2012 12:47 am |
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Jesse Duke fan
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Herb wrote: When I first joined the Marine Corps homosexual acts were illegal and unacceptable. Then it became acceptable, now it is legal. I am sure glad I got out before it became required.
That's funny Herb. I saw in the paper a couple weeks ago that the government is going to require schools to give a tolerance class to kids in 5th grade explaining that same sex relationships are okay.
I'm sure that the tolerance class won't teach them to be tolerant of Bible believers who think homosexuality is wrong. They'll probably tell them to report Bible believing kids to the school administration so they can be reeducated. I see a future in which you'll be reported to children's services if you teach your kids the Bible.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24th, 2012 02:10 am |
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24th, 2012 09:46 am |
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PROUD BOER
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Jesse Duke fan wrote: Herb wrote: When I first joined the Marine Corps homosexual acts were illegal and unacceptable. Then it became acceptable, now it is legal. I am sure glad I got out before it became required.
That's funny Herb. I saw in the paper a couple weeks ago that the government is going to require schools to give a tolerance class to kids in 5th grade explaining that same sex relationships are okay.
I'm sure that the tolerance class won't teach them to be tolerant of Bible believers who think homosexuality is wrong. They'll probably tell them to report Bible believing kids to the school administration so they can be reeducated. I see a future in which you'll be reported to children's services if you teach your kids the Bible.
Jesse Duke fan :
Here is a great example of liberal tolerance:
Private clinics allowed to advertise abortions on television
Private clinics that undertake abortions for profit will be allowed to advertise their services on television and radio for the first time, watchdogs ruled yesterday.
Call for cosmetic surgery ads ban
All cosmetic surgery advertising should be banned and annual checks carried out on surgeons, experts say.
The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS) is calling for a "six-point plan" to tighten up regulation of the "cowboy" market in the UK.
____________________
“We continue to be exasperated by the view, apparently gaining momentum in certain circles, that armed robbery is okay as long as nobody gets hurt! The proper solution to armed robbery is a dead robber, on the scene.”
Lt Col. Jeff Cooper USMC.
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| Posted: Thu May 10th, 2012 06:55 pm |
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pvtcomicman
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all I can say is thank God my ancestors left england in 1608 but this insanity is heading our way and we better be willing to fight it
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pvt comic man
don't mess with america the time has come to beat the liberals at their own game. politically incorrect and proud of it. Baptist by birth devil hater till I die.
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| Posted: Wed May 16th, 2012 09:00 am |
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PROUD BOER
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GaCDBFan wrote: Was that the French Navy? Holy cow! Unbelievable!
Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.
____________________
“We continue to be exasperated by the view, apparently gaining momentum in certain circles, that armed robbery is okay as long as nobody gets hurt! The proper solution to armed robbery is a dead robber, on the scene.”
Lt Col. Jeff Cooper USMC.
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| Posted: Wed May 16th, 2012 09:03 am |
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PROUD BOER
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pvtcomicman wrote: all I can say is thank God my ancestors left england in 1608 but this insanity is heading our way and we better be willing to fight it
I feel the same way.My country like yours is a pioneering country invented by a bunch of wise,old,white,dead,Christian guys.(both incidently are constitutional republics,sadly we lack the 2nd ammedment although guns are legal and easy to get,I have just scaled back to 25!)
Remember those that stayed behind in the UK and Europe were the ones on "light duty".Today they still are,it is now called welfare!
Last edited on Wed May 16th, 2012 12:15 pm by PROUD BOER
____________________
“We continue to be exasperated by the view, apparently gaining momentum in certain circles, that armed robbery is okay as long as nobody gets hurt! The proper solution to armed robbery is a dead robber, on the scene.”
Lt Col. Jeff Cooper USMC.
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| Posted: Wed May 16th, 2012 10:20 am |
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13th Post |
GaCDBFan
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PROUD BOER wrote: GaCDBFan wrote: Was that the French Navy? Holy cow! Unbelievable!
Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.
Isn't that essentially what they did? Capitulate and become friendly and helpful to the enemy and letting the US kill/capture the pirates?
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Click this link to go to the Table of Contents of the Computer Help thread:
http://goo.gl/5mfAf
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